On Father’s Day I can’t help but reflect upon my own father, who came home from the Vietnam War a different man. There were no external injuries to mark the internal damage of his experience, but the PTSD he suffered tore apart our young family.
Although he died in 1984, I consider him a casualty of the Vietnam War. Today, he is one of my angels and I believe he is beside me always, watching out for me in a way he couldn’t when I was a child. I wrote this piece as a tribute to my father and wanted to share it with all of you.
Seeing all the reminders of fathers on Father’s Day, it can be hard for those of us who have lost a father. This is wonderful story by Daniel Baer – Father’s Day note for those who have lost theirs talks about coping on Father’s Day when his father is gone.
“If you had asked me before I lost my father how I would cope, I would have said that I would be lost in life. He was my best friend, and the conversations I had with him as an adolescent and young adult were the mirror by which I came to know myself.”
– Kate Spencer
Photo Credit: PF Bentley
I found this beautiful poem on poet Diana Der-Hovanessian’s website and wanted to share it with all of you this Father’s Day:
Shifting the Sun by Diana Der-Hovanessian
When your father dies, say the Irish,
you lose your umbrella against bad weather.
May his sun be your light, say the Armenians.
When your father dies, say the Welsh,
you sink a foot deeper into the earth.
May you inherit his light, say the Armenians.
When your father dies, say the Canadians,
you run out of excuses.
May you inherit his sun, say the Armenians.
When your father dies, say the French,
you become your own father.
May you stand up in his light, say the Armenians.
When your father dies, say the Indians,
he comes back as the thunder.
May you inherit his light, say the Armenians.
When your father dies, say the Russians,
he takes your childhood with him.
May you inherit his light, say the Armenians.
When your father dies, say the English,
you join his club you vowed you wouldn’t.
May you inherit his sun, say the Armenians.
When your father dies, say the Armenians,
your sun shifts forever.
And you walk in his light.
“Shifting the Sun” by Diana Der-Hovanessian, from Selected Poems. © Sheep Meadow Press, 1994.
Writer for the Chicago Tribune Mary Schmich took this poem and beautifully explores finishing that sentence in her article “When Your Father Dies, these words come to mind”.
Thirteen year old Eva’s father was sick with stage four colon cancer when she performed on American Idol, with her father and mother watching her. Her boldness and bravery melted even Simon Cowell’s heart. See her first performance here where she sings a song where she comforts her father. As a warning, please get your tissues out before watching:
Angels are all around us in our lives. I talk about this often and write about it in my book. This was never more apparent than the book party I hosted in May for the launch of my book You Are Not Alone. It was like throwing a party for my favorite people. Family and friends came to celebrate from all over the country. Some from as far away as Kauai. The love in the room was palpable and I knew my angels from the other side were there too. Katherine Eid, a dear friend and part of my team, spoke to the crowd and said this about the book,
“What makes a hero a hero is that from the silent shadows of their darkest hour, they are willing to look inside and from the center there, find a gift. A medicine. A radiant quality of being and knowing. And Debbie has returned home, for the rest of us us, returned with the elixir, bravely come with her hard-won medicine, to be of service.”
I was humbled by Katherine’s description of my journey creating You Are Not Alone and deeply honored to continue to be of service to everyone shouldering grief. I hope to continue to help in the years ahead. All of us in grief are on our own personal Hero’s Journey.
is now available on Amazon!
Because Hope is my enduring message, I leave you with these lyrics from “It’s a Wonderful World” written by Louis Daniel Armstrong,
“I see skies of blue and clouds of white, The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night. And I think to myself what a wonderful world…”
Thank you for being a part of this world!
Debbie Augenthaler, LMHC, NCC, is an author and psychotherapist in private practice in New York City, where she specializes in trauma, grief and loss. Her award-winning book, You Are Not Alone: A Heartfelt Guide for Grief, Healing, and Hope combines her personal story of devastating loss with practical insights and simple suggestions for healing. Join her Facebook community, Grief to Gratitude, and follow her on Instagram.
